I don’t have a running buddy and I’m not part of a running group so I do all my practice runs and races solo. I don’t listen to music when I run, partly for safety and partly because I want to listen out for uneven breathing and joint cracking. I also like to let my mind go places till the entire experience becomes meditative. Today’s race was anything but meditative and I’m, in equal parts, concerned and amused by the thoughts I had.
Pre race : Wow there are so many ladies (it was a ladies only race) who run! Everyone’s got such pretty leggings. Why are women so chatty though?
During the national anthem : ‘Star Spangled Banner’ makes me so emotional, but why do these singers start at the the most shrill note? Too much vibrato in that voice. Maybe she’s nervous.
Mile 1:Let’s pound some asphalt! So many supportive guys around. Let me see if I can find some eye candy.
Mile 2:Damn Cat Hill. One day I’m gonna take a pic of myself flicking off that cat statue.
Mile 3:Ok where’s the Gatorade? Those porta potties stink. Another hill? To run up the hill and save dignity or to speed walk a part of it and save my knees? Fuck knees! Fuck hills! The downhill will fix it.
Mile 4: I love the camaraderie among these ladies. Just a bunch of strangers running together. Wow it’s that lady’s 60th birthday, let’s go over and say ‘happy birthday’.
Mile 5: Cute guy alert! He’s got a sign that says ‘free kisses’. Nah I’ll pass, I’m in it for the running. Wait, did the winner just start her second loop? Such form!
Mile 6: Oh yeah new personal record!
Mile 7: Another loop, brace yourselves girls!
Mile 8: I can just drop out of the race and go home. Home is like right there. Hell no! I didn’t pay 80 bucks so I could go home(I did it for the tech shirt and the medal. Mostly the medal).
Mile 9 : This hill is so stupid. I can’t see the pacer anywhere, I guess she outran everyone.
Mile 10: My feet are getting blisters, I can feel them. I want my mommie. Another hill? Really Central Park! That old lady who was cheering at mile 5 is still there. She’s got some energy!
Mile 11: No free kisses, no free hugs :( My abs are starting to hurt. I need to do more yoga.
Mile 12: Can we be done already? If another person says ‘almost there, you got this’ I will either slap them or show them my fear inducing resting bitch face.
Mile 13: I think I’m gonna cry. I can’t run .1 miles. It’s pointless to smile for the camera, I think they got a shot of me grimacing at my boobs. Why do women have boobs? Why can’t boobs be detachable? No wonder guys run faster. Well at least sports bras save women from bleeding nipples (google ‘marathon bleeding nipples’ to see what I mean).
The final .1 mile: The announcer didn’t butcher my name. Yay medals, blankets and bagels. I think I’ll take a nap on the grass.
I apologize if some of this is TMI.